


I think it's time you had a pink cloud summer ('cause you've gone too long without a smile)

by Anonymous



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Institutions, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Touch-Starved, i have a soft spot for yukhei uwu, lmao various nct members just appear???, pls stop romanticizing mental illness, same goes for members of loona lol, the boys are split up into staff (the hyung line) and patients (the maknae line)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-24 21:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20712623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "I know you've probably heard this question at least a million times, but can you tell me why you're in here?"Hansol huffs, gaze glued to his feet, his smiley face patterned socks staring up at him almost mockingly so. "I wanted to die.""And why is that?""I..." Hansol licking his lips as he pauses, "I don't know."(or; Yukhei's gotten soda privileges banned for the entire unit, Seungkwan and Donghyuck routinely team up to eat all of the chocolate pudding cups, Hansol might just lose it if they have to watchNapoleon Dynamitefor Friday night's annual movie night yet again, and Chan just wants to go home. )





	I think it's time you had a pink cloud summer ('cause you've gone too long without a smile)

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh idk man i wanted to try my own wrap on one of these fics lmao  
(i've been inpatient before so uh i'm writing this based off my experiences)
> 
> read the tags fellas
> 
> *gjgjgjhjhjjh this chapter (ch 1) was originally posted on 9/22/19 bc it was shit, i mean it still is, but now it's slightly less shit*

"Sexual preference?" The doe-eyed nurse working night shift asks softly, Hansol fidgeting at the question, the cream-colored blanket the ER had sent him off with clutched tightly to his chest, the poor boy shaking like a leaf as he was still donning the blue scrubs he was instructed to change into upon being admitted under suicide watch.

"U-Um, I'm straight," He stammers out, his cheeks without a doubt flushing pink, "W-Why do you need to know?" Seungcheol (yes, Hansol read his badge) chuckling as he looks away from the computer screen to meet Hansol's gaze, said boy somewhat regretting asking now.

"No reason," The nurse replies in a tone that implies that _yes,_ there most definitely was a reason. "Well, that's all my questions for you today," Clicking his computer mouse here and there a few times before standing up, stretching his arms over his head with a yawn. "Get up kiddo, it's time for Satan to give you the all-clear." 

\--

_The first time Hansol went off the high dive was also the last time he went off the high dive._

_His knees knocking together as he shivered, still dripping wet from racing Sofia down and back, his stomach churning as he timidly peered over the ledge. Hansol wincing as he imagined how it'd feel to break the surface of the water with his weight, the sting of chilling numbness thwacking against his pale skin. His teeth chattering so intensely that he swears he feels one chip, the cheers of encouragement from his mom and Sofia just barely heard over the blood roaring in his ears. The lifeguard on duty shooting him a sympathetic smile as she gives him a thumbs-up, the line of kids behind him growing annoyed with the scaredy-cat who just wouldn't jump. That very thought alone having Hansol snap his goggles into place, breathing in deeply as he forced himself to step to the very edge of the board—it was now or never._

_"Here goes nothing," Hansol screwing his eyes shut as he pinches his nose tight, gulping down one last mouthful of air, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach as he fell. The less than thirty-second fall feeling more like a lifetime of waiting for the inevitable burn, for the water to pull him into her arm's and never let go. His limbs flailing as a silent scream catches in his throat, the water claiming his scrawny little body in her slippery clutches._

  
_And as much as Hansol hated that experience, it wasn't entirely in vain._

  
_Not when he was able to scratch "jumping off a bridge or a building" off his list of potential ways to end it all._

\-- 

"Change into this," Jeonghan—the nurse who Seungcheol so lovingly called "Satan"—instructs of Hansol, shoving two hospital gowns into Hansol's arms. "One is for your front and the other is so that you don't have to go through the trouble of lacing up your back," The brunette explains with a huff, "Call for me when you're done, okay?" Hansol nodding as the door shuts behind him, suddenly thankful for the ugly ass grippy socks he'd received from Nurse Amber back in the ER, as there was no way he was going to place his bare feet on such an unsanitary surface.

Hansol shivering slightly as he pulled the scratchy fabric over his thin frame, the lack of meat on his bones paired with being totally naked making him sneeze, awkwardly waddling over to the door and pushing it open with a grimace. "Jeonghan-" The nurse popping his head in immediately, Hansol squeaking as he forces himself into the already cramped bathroom, Jeonghan picking the scrubs from up off the ground and tossing them into the waste bin near the sink. Hansol sheepishly taking his boxers from the older with a mumbled thanks, the Chesire-like grin Jeonghan's wearing certainly not doing any favors either.

"Spiderman? Really?" The nurse playfully teases, "Anyhow, be a dear and pop a squat for me please." Hansol's eyes widening as Jeonghan laughs, Nurse Seungcheol's nickname for the other nurse making more sense than he'd like to admit. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" Jeonghan gesturing for him to stand over by the sink, Hansol obediently complying as the nurse whips out one of those hand-held metal detectors he had only ever seen in those crime shows that Sofia loved watching. 

_"Oh well, guess there's a first time for everything."_

"Arms above your head," Jeonghan instructs, his childish demeanor being replaced with utmost professionalism, waving the wand over Hansol's torso. "Good, now spread your legs slightly apart and squat," Hansol's ears reddening as he does as he's told, the fact that he was naked as a jaybird underneath such a flimsy gown only adding to his current discomfort.

"It's weird, I know," Waving the wand over the lower half of Hansol's body, "But you won't believe how many people try to smuggle stuff in via their anus," Motioning for him to stand up once more, a frown tugging on Jeonghan's lips as he carefully looks over Hansol, who's palm had grown sweaty under such scrutiny.

"You got any open wounds?" His question—_though it really shouldn't_—admittedly taking Hansol by surprise.

"What?"

"Do you have any recent self-inflicted injuries that we should know about?" Jeonghan clarifies, even though Hansol had understood him perfectly the first time. "Like on your thighs for example."

"N-No," He stutters, "I don't do that kind of stuff." Which is true, Hansol _didn't_ engage in such behaviors, as even the very thought of pressing a blade to his skin making him shudder.

"No need to get so defensive kid," Jeonghan mutters, "It's the protocol to ask every patient that." Hansol looking down at his feet, embarrassed that he'd jumped to such a conclusion, Jeonghan's words reminding him that the nurses here _weren't_ judging him but simply doing their jobs.

"S-Sorry."

"It's no problem Hansol-ah," The nurse waving Hansol off good-naturedly, his hand coming to rest on the doorknob, "You're all clear so that's all that really matters," Hansol murmuring a small _"thank you Jeonghan-sshi" _that has the elder absolutely beaming. "I'll be back with a change of clothes in a minute, okay?" Hansol nodding, Jeonghan slipping out with a wink, Hansol exhaling a breath he wasn't even aware that he was holding.

"Oh!" Hansol jumping when the nurse pops his head back in, "Just a heads up, Nurse Hong doesn't approve of cursing so I suggest you keep your profanities to yourself."

\--

_Pills had always been something Hansol had an intense fascination with, the boy finding their various shapes and sizes simply captivating since the ripe old age of just four and a half years of age. _

_But the thought of swallowing half a bottle of the things had never once crossed his mind, not once had he imagined overdosing on the colorful caplets. Never in a million years would Hansol have foreseen his future self tentatively unscrewing the cap and pouring half the bottle out and into the warmth of his palm. The lightness of the capsules oddly grounding, for Hansol was well aware of the power that they held._

_It was almost relieving—keyword; almost._

\--

"It looks like you'll be rooming with Seungkwan," Jisoo, the nurse Jeonghan had "warned" him about, says, "In room 36A, though I'm not sure what bed you'll have." Hansol taking the paper bags filled with his belongings into his arms, while Jisoo held his welcome packet, diary, and folder. "Hopefully the better of the two," He adds with an afterthought, "Now c'mon, it's been a long day for you and we can't afford to have you sleeping through tomorrow's groups." 

\--

_"You need help Sol," Her voice a mere whisper, the two standing side by side as they peer out over the bay, the sound of waves crashing against the rock freckled shore lulling, "Help that I can't give you." Hansol chewing on the inside of his cheek as he takes her words in, dissecting them syllable by syllable as he searched for something more, for malicious intent or pity even. _

_"Thanks, but no thanks." His eyes glued on the slowly setting sun, amber hues dancing across his dark curls, "I'm perfectly okay."_

_\--_

"Get. The. Fuck. Out." The blonde-haired boy slamming his book shut with an angry thwap, the light spilling in from underneath the ajar bathroom just barely enough for one to read under, though that's why Hansol supposes his roommate also had a mini flashlight clutched in his fist.

"Seungkwan!" Jisoo scolds, Hansol awkwardly hanging back by the door while the nurse marches over to the vacant bed, setting Hansol's stuff down. "Be nice to him! He _is_ your new roommate after all." Seungkwan throwing his book down on the ground when Jisoo attempts to snatch it up, the ginger pursing his lips in distaste but he says nothing. 

"Don't care," Seungkwan mutters angrily, "And I wasn't even talking to him, I was talking to _you._" Jisoo simply sighing a deep, deep sigh before beckoning for Hansol to come on in, the poor boy pale as a ghost as he hesitantly steps inside. _"What a fucking baby, " _Seungkwan thinks to himself, rolling his eyes when he hears the nurse expectantly clear his throat, a scowl flittering across his features for the briefest of seconds, as it was soon replaced with a devious grin.

"Ah, yes," He starts, "One of the rules here is not to reveal any personal information about ourselves, but fuck Nurse Jisoo—the name's Boo Seungkwan. Welcome to Holly Oak Hills—also known as the loony bin!"

**Author's Note:**

> homeboy can't write for crap so feedback is always nice :)


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